Getting Rejected Multiple Times This Year was a Really Good Thing
I remember it vividly. At around 6:15 PM on Sunday, 26th February this year, I was in a sporting goods store with my friends when I started having trouble breathing.
“I’ll just be outside. Feeling a bit claustrophobic,” I remember saying.
There were no benches to be found, so I leaned against a tiny edge of the badminton court wall. Hands on my knees, I was bent over trying to release the tightness in my chest. “I will never find anyone. I will never find anyone,” looped in my head.
I was having a panic attack.
This came a few hours after a first date with a very nice lady. It was my first date in over a year — a year marked by depression and anxiety after the end of a near four-year relationship. It wasn’t my first panic attack, but it was jarring nonetheless.
This lady had texted me saying that she wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship. I had been okay with her decision, I really was. I had accepted it, but it didn’t stop the panic attack a few hours later.
Cut to July — I had the opportunity to meet another wonderful lady, and we had a good couple of weeks, but she also withdrew for her personal reasons. It ruined my day, it gave me chest pain, but there was no panic attack. That was the first thing I noted.
Since then, I’ve asked out a few more people, getting rejected each time. And each time, it hurt lesser and lesser. There is no bitterness; there is only relief that I have developed the maturity to accept rejection. I have accepted that there are things I can improve about both my personality and how I present myself.
However, it’s not just my love life where I have experienced rejection and a resolve to improve.
The State of My Writing, and the Best Rejections
We all tend to believe that our stuff is the best, and it baffles us if it doesn’t do well. “My writing is awesome and it’s on fire! Why am I not getting all the views and attention in the world?” you might say. It’s because your writing is not awesome.
Writers are especially notorious for an inflated sense of personal skill.
We tell ourselves that the only reason we aren’t celebrity authors is because we haven’t gotten around to writing our groundbreaking novel.
We procrastinate and we give up opportunities to preserve that sense of self-importance. “If I really tried, I’d obviously win,” we say, excusing ourselves from any responsibility.
I am the same. Around May, a writing opportunity presented itself. AIB, one of India’s most popular sketch comedy collectives led by Tanmay Bhat, was hiring. I rationalized that I’ve never completed a submission, and all I had to do was send in the email to get through.
I did, and my application was rejected. My submissions weren’t good enough.
There was no place to hide anymore, and it hurt. I was thankful for that.
That was the first of two important writing rejections this year. In June, a post came up on my Facebook feed. An acquaintance from college was working with a small theater troupe here in Bangalore, and they were hiring writers. I applied, and spent the entirety of July slaving over a script.
I sent in the script not only to this troupe, but to another, more-experienced team that is managed by a friend from high school. It took a few reminders to my friend for me to realize that they were not interested.
These two rejections were the best thing that happened to me this year. They made me realize that my writing is not awesome, and I have a long way to go. Reading and getting inspired by Medium writers such as Nicolas Cole, Mateja Klaric, and Benjamin P. Hardy, I am now able to ascertain the gap between their skills and mine without letting ego get in the way.
What Changed?
Everyone gets comfortable over time. We tend to rest on our laurels, and believe our skills are the best. Last year, accepting the fact that I was a professional writer was a big milestone for my identity. This year, accepting that I’m not the best writer was another.
We need a periodic kick in the pants. I got mine through rejections, and I’m giving myself another with this writing challenge. Deploying patience and a no-bullshit policy for myself has already helped me improve my writing. Among other things, I am now working with the small theater troupe to produce my script for early next year.
I hope this post gives you some of the kick that you might need. If you enjoyed it, the best way you can reward me is by practicing your main skill. Go do it now.
And after you’re done, consider giving me a Follow below. I’m in the middle of a November Writing Challenge. Here is the Master List for #AMediumNovember with more articles. Thank you for reading!
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