What are you afraid of?
It takes courage to create.
I was watching the Oscars Red Carpet last Sunday. It’s a bit silly and self-important (like the Super Bowl) but I enjoy it.
Something Taraji P. Henson said in an interview stood out to me. “Fear doesn’t exist in my universe, ’cause I wouldn’t get anything done if I was afraid.”
My first reaction was, “ugh, that’s bullshit.”
Not because of what she said — she was making a larger point about not letting her fears get in her way — but because of the interviewer’s fawning reaction.
“That is just good advice. Fear doesn’t exist in her universe – it shouldn’t exist in your universe.”
Seriously? We’re human. We all have fears. They’re part of being alive. To suggest that fear can be easily willed away is ridiculous.
Fear is not always bad. Fear can protect us and help us improve.
We just need to figure out how to move past it if it doesn’t.
My fear of writing
I took a poetry class in college. To be more accurate, I started to take a poetry class.
The first assignment was to write a descriptive piece about anything we’d experienced. I wrote about how the scenery seemed to move and bounce around me when I ran.
When I read my poem aloud in class, the professor characterized my description as awkward and inaccurate. It probably was. I’d never written poetry before. Nonetheless, his words devastated me.
I left the class feeling horrible about what I’d written and about myself— like I had no business trying to write.
I worked on the next assignment the night before it was due. I sat downstairs alone with my notebook, in my dorm’s study area. The evening went something like this:
Write a few words. Scratch them out. Write a few more. Scratch them out again. Try another idea. Scratch that out. Think, “that’s awful. I suck.” Repeat. For hours. All night long.
The morning arrived. I hadn’t slept and I still had nothing. Nothing I felt like I could turn in or read to anyone else anyway.
I dropped the class the next day. I didn’t take another writing class as an undergrad. And I didn’t write anything personal or creative for years.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
My ego was so fragile that the professor’s comments about my work felt like a personal criticism. I don’t blame him — I blame myself. I hadn’t yet learned how to use critiques constructively.
Fear can protect you, guide you, or censor you
Karl Albrecht Ph.D says that there are five types of fear:
- Extinction
- Mutilation
- Loss of autonomy
- Separation
- Ego-death
— “The (Only) 5 Fears We all Share,” Psychology Today
The first two are the most primal. They help us identify threats and keep us safe. They direct us to take refuge in a storm and stop us from falling off of precipices. For most of us, these are helpful fears.
Unfortunately, as we get older, our fears expand beyond those that safeguard us from bodily harm to those that “protect” us from rejection and humiliation. It was those latter fears that stopped me from writing.
Some creators say they don’t feel fear. I don’t believe them.
I think it’s impossible to shield yourself completely from fear. What the “fearless” may have mastered though, is how to overcome their fears and use them to improve their work.
“The fear-less one might sleep better, but sleeping well doesn’t always lead to your best work. The fear can be your compass, it can set you on the right path and actually improve the quality of what you do.” — Seth Godin, author and entrepreneur
Getting past fears
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” — Dale Carnegie
For me — now — I’d rather live with the fear of possible failure than the regret of not having written.
I’m often still afraid that I have nothing worthwhile to say or I that if I do have something to say, I won’t be able to express it well. What’s different for me now is that I channel that fear into making my writing better.
That means I constantly walk a line between trying to make my work as good as it can be while still hitting the “Publish” link. I’m still not a confident writer, but the more I write and publish, the more my confidence builds.
I also try to keep in mind that the worst thing that can happen when I publish something is that people will ignore or criticize it. That’s really not so bad, right?
The people that love me will still love me.
Getting feedback — positive or not — will help me improve.
So for now, I’ll continue to write.
“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.” — Aristotle
It’s your turn. I’d love to hear about how fear has held you back and how you’ve gotten past it.
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