Writing A Query Letter
Getting Published The YEEZY Way
“My life is dope, and I do dope shit.” — Kanye West
An Entry Level Sales Position
On my ritualistic charge to penetrate the impermeable walled city of the oft published and regularly employed I learned a few things. Gallantly I traversed self-doubt to pen letter after letter — blurring truth and fiction, cover and query letter. When the motivation ran hot, the letters amicably toed the line. But when ire and fatigue became palatable, it was another thing entirely.
I hurled boiling oil over walls and flung hand-tooled flaming arrows through loopholes. I offered a spoonful of sugar and I swallowed my own medicine. I gave my compliments to the chef and asked for more.
From the obscenely poetic to the absurdly dry, I laced words with all the flowery flatulence and deconstructionist discernment expected of someone equally juvenile and witty. Is there any task more vexing than proselytizing your own written work by way of another piece of writing? Generating interest in both completed and potential work is a job better suited for a salesman.
And a salesman I am not. A musician I almost was, with goals, some simple and some verbose — like reaching a stage where it was appropriate to introduce a song by saying, “This is a deep cut, dedicated to all the real fans in the cheap seats.” But alas, such platitudes will have to be lived out in another life. In music as in writing, the least of my career goals, if we can call it that, involved self-promotion and self-summarizing my work in hopes that an anonymous assistant wouldn’t hit delete the second they opened the email — if they opened the email.
Query Like Kanye
When walking uphill to the storied land of the regularly published, one must remember that the person on the other end of your email is likely just another underpaid employee counting down the minutes until the $8 lunch buffet opens across the street. So don’t waste their time. They’d just assume delete your email as read it, maybe it’ll get opened, maybe it won’t, but calling attention to the dopeness of your shit in a clear and concise manner can only help.
The Kanye method. A simple, yet poignant approach that owns both the value of the work, and the potential value of being associated with the work. It is a multi-tier marketing strategy that combines the query letter, cover letter, author bio and pitch blurb with one singular, uniform brand statement.
“Hello, My name is ________. You should publish my work, because I’m dope and I write dope shit. See attachment.”
Make It Sound YEEZY
The query letter won’t help, it can only hurt, so say less, as little as possible really — which is why “Hello, my name is Noah. You should publish my work because I’m dope and I write dope shit. See attachment.” is my greatest to date.
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